I went out with a man for eight years. He never got violent with me until he found out I went out with someone else. He got violent with the guy, and I had to break up with him once and for all.

If you sense your partner will get violent, meet them in a public place. This might not even deter them from throwing something at you, but it is safer than inviting them to your place. If you have a car or suitcase, bring their possessions because you do not want this person over your house again. Meet in a place that is equidistant from each other so you are not tempted one last fling. A park is a good place to meet. You do not have to worry about the bill, drinking or a public audience.

Once you meet, lay all your cards on the table. Tell him or her you can not tolerate their abusive behavior anymore, possessiveness/jealousy, cheating—whatever the case may be. You do not want to be friends either. Sometimes, we cannot be friends with our ex’s. It is impossible. Shake hands, give them their stuff, and split as fast as you can.

Once you get home, you have business to take care of. Change your locks immediately. Chances are your partner has the key and will not relinquish it. They will come knocking if the break up was sudden. My ex came barging in to my apartment to steal a fax machine he gave me. I needed it for work and took it with me into the bedroom. I could hear him getting violent in the next room. So do not do as I did. Change your locks immediately. Also, change your phone number. You do not want to be tempted by his/her sweet voice, and you do not want to hear from them again. When you break up with someone who is violent, you must play it on the safe side. Worry about the cost and inconvenience later.

Do not contact the person at work!! This is the worst way to break up with someone, especially if it is out of the blue. My ex IMed me at work that she was leaving me, and I nearly passed out. I was unable to function the rest of the day, and got seriously ill afterwards. Have respect for your partner, and do not e-mail, phone or contact him/her at work.

Please do not just disappear. This is also a horrible way to break up. Everyone deserves an explanation as to what went wrong, why, and also a good-bye. You have shared intimate moments with this person and spent precious time with him/her. He/she deserves an official good-bye. I had a long distance relationship with a guy, and just got my letters to him returned to me by the post office. I never knew what happened to him. After six years of waiting for him, I felt I deserved something more.

Ok, definitely do not just send an e-mail. E-mail can be cold and impersonal and you do not get a chance to see the person’s facial expression. You cannot respond, and you are alone with your thoughts of vengeance and anger. It is rude and inconsiderate.

Don’t go on a date to break up. Breaking up in a restaurant can be very humiliating. Not only does the whole restaurant hear your personal business, but you are stuck at the table with your dumper who has you as a captive audience telling you what a horrible mate you are. I had someone do this to me, and I was nauseous.

NO WAY! Do not stand them up. This is also rude and mean. Setting a date and intentionally standing that person up to indicate to them that you do not want to see them anymore is not nice.

Oh god -Do not avoid them. This is a case of cowardice. Confront your lover when you want to end it. Like Tom Petty sings, “Waiting is the Hardest Part,” and your lover is probably waiting to hear from you as well as worrying about you.