Even during non-marital relationships, infidelity is a relationship killer. Unless you have an open relationship where partners are permitted to have other lovers, relationships and marriages often break up because of infidelity.
It is only natural to be possessive of your lover and your lover’s body. After all, sex is the most intimate of actions when you lay open both body and soul. To have someone violate your intrinsic trust in protecting that relationship can be devastating.
However, infidelity does not necessarily have to break up a relationship. In my brother’s case, his fling with a prominent musician led to a s*** or get off the pot ultimatum, and it led to his marriage. In my case, I had an eight year relationship with a man who had other lovers. My step brother cheated on his wife, his wife found out, but they sought counseling and are working it out. In other words, there are steps the guilty party can take to get over their infidelity if they want to salvage the relationship.
Confess! Confess your affair, but reaffirm your love for your partner. Be honest and forthright about all your actions. Tell him the facts about your relationship with the other person. Lay your cards on the table.
Account for your time. Once you have established your intentions to be honest about your activities, learn to report to your partner about how you spend your time so he/she will not be accusatory.
Spend as much time as possible with your spouse. After you have ended your affair with the other person, spend as much time as possible with your spouse. Forget about the nights out with the girls/boys. You have a relationship to preserve. Show him/her how much you love him/her by buying something personal. You might say you can’t buy me love, but given the right circumstances, it can be meaningful. When together, be attentive. Give your spouse your undivided attention. It is not the quantity of time but the quality of time you spend with him/her that counts.
No, the relationship will probably never be the same after the infidelity. The cheated upon goes through withdrawal, depression and will forever have trust issues. The purity of the relationship is violated—it’s like getting a stain on a white article of clothing. It does not come out entirely, but it fades after repeated washings.
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