People come in and out of our lives for a reason.
If you go in and out of the same person’s life over and over then you may fall into a category that we call Relationship Ambivalent. You just can’t figure it out. Your mate is good, but maybe not great. Things are fine, but you thought they were supposed to be spectacular. There are some very positive points, but some totally awful ones too. You may be over compromising, but doesn’t everyone? You are reaching the point where you either should be on a path to getting married or maybe it’s just time to break up…you’re just confused. Sound familiar?
When a chunk of your attention shifts from being present and enjoying your relationship to trying to figure out whether you should actually be in the relationship, you are in a state of relationship ambivalence.
The pro-con approach seems reasonable as it is something your mom, your friend, and cosmo often recommends. However, how can you pile all the reasons to stay with someone against all the reasons you should leave someone and try to see which scale outweighs the other when those components are constantly shifting? With this approach, pros and cons come in and out of the picture. Moreover, quantifying or giving weight to subjective things will simply get you more lost. Does his charm with your friends outweigh his inability to keep his promise to take the garbage out? Does your physical attraction to her outweigh her lack of ambition and employment? Who knows?! I don’t think you will find table to assign units of measurement to these items, so just put the pen down!
We need to look at fundamentals and ask some very specific questions to help assess whether you should stay in this relationship. See Should you break up based on The Pro – Con List? Part II.
If you really love your ex and believe they were your soulmate and truly want to get back together, click here.